Ok, here we go! New logo for "Happy Friday" for the rest of the year and I'm back to business as usual. Today is about what I understand is a common problem that is all around us, and that my son Billie has been struggling with since young. Social anxiety also means that a behaviour that you put yourself in can put you at risk of other dangers in society. Stay tuned!
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Billie
Billie had been in seventh grade for a month when he was wrongly convicted of assault and he never came back. I thought that with new powers, I would try to bring in
him in the eighth grade. It continued in the same way throughout 8th and 9th grade. I left him in the morning because he refused to go into a school by himself, so a teacher met him in the car park EVERY morning.
Billie had his own room with his own tasks but he left school every other day. Back from work and searching and I was going crazy. To summarise, he went to school in the sixth grade and spent the rest of the time studying with us at home, but how will that be enough to get a job?
Travelling
We've taken Billie with friends on trips and in the camper van to give him experience and to get some alone time with him. After 9th grade he chose to live with my ex where he had most of his friends. A child without control can easily get into trouble. He had been given quite heavy pills by a doctor because he couldn't sleep due to his anxiety. This combined with partying in his teens didn't add up.
Chaos
One evening, the police called and said they had picked him up in a stairwell and completely awake. They suspected alcohol and pills. The police said he was aggressive and quite out of it. They asked me if I wanted to pick him up or if they would take Billie to St Göran's hospital and psychiatry. I told them to take him there because there was a stop sign and I needed help.
I visited him the next day in the psych ward, locked behind locked doors and I didn't recognise my own son and it was scary. Aggressive and pupils as big as saucers and he was begging and screaming for me to take him out of there. No way and I left with my son screaming and crying behind my back. I was exhausted and stood outside the hospital crying. How could it be like this?
Keep up the good work
I visited him again on Sunday and my calm son was back again and we were able to sit and talk in peace. He said he was staying another night and said he was so sorry for what he had done. He asked if I could pick him up on Monday and drive him to my mum's, so we could talk a bit on the way. Of course I have to be there again.
Move
My younger nephew (Billie's best friend) had met an older girl and they had found a second-hand flat in Högdalen, south of Stockholm. Billie moved there too. The girl worked as a personal assistant and took Billie with her sometimes and eventually he got a job in some shifts too. Security was the word, because he would never go on his own to look for work and talk to new people. This happened when we were away in 2015 but we were in contact several times a week.
Threats to life
Billie borrowed £5,000 from the wrong people and couldn't pay it back. The guys increased the debt by SEK 500 every day so suddenly there was SEK 10,000 and a deadline. They got in touch with my ex-boyfriend and said we'll kill him in two days if we don't get our money.
Panic welled up and my whole body knotted up, damn it! These guys are not afraid of anything and they know that the parents will pay if threatened. I put up 5000 and my ex-boyfriend put up the same amount. You talk and keep in touch, you're angry and sad and you don't know what to do, but you never give up.
Social anxiety
In autumn 2016, Billie got the chance to get a job in healthcare. He would be the person who sat in the back with the elderly and those with certain disabilities, and would have a ride to and from the hospital and home. This is called co-driving and required 3 days of training. This girl went with him to all three because she knew he wouldn't be able to do it on his own. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A new beginning
Today he has a job and will get a permanent position in spring 2017. He loves talking to older people because there he can be himself without demands. I am just very very happy that he has a job and everything works. Billie turns 21 on Monday and works every day so that will be my contribution to a "happy Friday".
Did you miss the last Happy Friday? Read the Here is my life part 10
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Lena - good for the soul says:
Wow, seems so tough for everyone involved! What a great father he has who has been so supportive. And how wonderful that he has got back on his feet!
Hug Lena
13 January 2017 - 7:02
Lennart says:
I really hope it continues to go well!
13 January 2017 - 7:25
Goatfish says:
I'm so touched because I know what it's like to face your children. I have four children and it's clear that the teenage years don't go smoothly.
How wonderful that it has been resolved, great son and great and energetic father 😀.
My contribution to Happy Friday will be the sensitive radio segment I was involved in yesterday in Gothenburg 😀 both tears and laughter with a big *heart* Hugs!
13 January 2017 - 8:11
Peter Bergström says:
Lena - Good for the soul: Since I was not the white sheep when I grew up, I can now go back and understand what I did.
Lennart: Everybody makes mistakes and he doesn't make them again, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Geddfish: I will listen to the report Gerd and thank you for writing. Those damn kids can really get you in trouble.
13 January 2017 - 8:24
Camilla says:
What a journey! Good that he seems to have "landed on his feet"! And! CBT should be able to help him have it easier!
13 January 2017 - 8:37
Ditte says:
What a journey you have all been on! And who said that life should be easy, even if you sometimes wish it was?
And your stubbornness, love and determination have taken you far together.
Wishing Billie all the best in her new job and everything else and an early birthday wish on Monday.
13 January 2017 - 8:58
snort says:
I say the same. What a journey you have made together. So wonderful to read that the future seems bright and a job is in port. In some situations it is essential to have loved ones who fight by your side!
Congratulations in advance to Billie who shares a birthday with our son on Monday!
13 January 2017 - 9:15
Peter Bergström says:
Camilla: We have been to BUP and we have struggled in so many places, and it has been difficult with someone who does not understand his problems himself. Now that he is considered an adult, it is probably easier to deal with his social anxiety problems. But you know kids are kids longer than they used to be, so it might take a few more years, but he needs it.
Ditte: You're a parent until you die, right! The journey of life is like the Alps for many of us, and you just have to recharge at the top. I ask him to read it himself and thank you Ditte!
Znogge: We need good friends around us that we can trust. When you have social phobia or anxiety, that group shrinks and it becomes more difficult. His family is always there for him to lean on when the wind is cold. I'll take the opportunity to send congratulations to your son, while I still have you on the line, and thank you.
13 January 2017 - 10:00
Marina says:
I must say that after reading your post, your contribution to "Happy Friday" is probably the best contribution imaginable! Congratulations and good luck in the future to Billie!
13 January 2017 - 10:02
Mr Nils-Åke Hansson says:
Really tough time.
13 January 2017 - 10:05
Husis blog says:
A poignant story, but it also shows that things can go well if everyone fights. Everyone may not be able to fight in the same way as you did, but it is absolutely enormous to take part in what you have done together and afterwards what it must have welded you together.
Having social phobia and the kind of job Billie has today must be a challenge.
It was a very good ending to your text where it says that everything has gone well anyway and Billie has a good job now and also a VERY important job.
Another poignant happy Friday text for which the owners are grateful!
13 January 2017 - 10:07
Comsi Comsa says:
It makes my heart happy to read things like this.....
Hugs ❤
13 January 2017 - 10:13
Ama de casa says:
But oh so heavy... But so nice that it seems to have resolved itself for the best! You - everyone around him - should be congratulated for not giving up. And the biggest praise of all, of course, goes to Billie who has made it through all this and now has order in his life.
Imagine how much such support from the family means when things are at their most difficult.
CONGRATULATIONS to Billie! Both in advance and in arrears.
13 January 2017 - 10:27
Britt-Marie Lundgren says:
I read your posts and recognise a lot. I have three adult girls, one of whom has lived half her life with depression and panic attacks. I have examined myself many times if I could have done something differently, but today I have come to the realisation that I am actually only human and she knows that we are always there for help and support. Hope for the best for you in the future! Then Helena should have all the credit, who seems to have set up 100%!
Top of the week, when an MMS came yesterday that I had become a grandmother to another little prince!!! It beats everything.
13 January 2017 - 10:55
åsa in åsele says:
Meen OJ help and so lucky it started to get organised,
Society, the school, is not exactly the best at dealing with children who don't quite fit the mould.
Family, loved ones, not to mention friends are often more helpful than health and social care.
Congratulate your son and be proud Peter you are a good role model.
13 January 2017 - 11:36
gun says:
How happy you are when you read how well it ended.... it is not for everyone. What good role models your son has in your parents and that you are there. It is important that the preschool/school and everyone around the children pay attention and are there with all possible help!
gun
13 January 2017 - 15:16
Peter Bergström says:
Thank you Marina: What nice words you write and how happy I am. Thank you, please!
Nils-Åke Hansson: Children don't walk on rails and everything you have had to learn and go through to try to understand what is wrong. We have only been able to provide support and be there when things have gone wrong.
Husisblog: He still has problems with taking people but not the elderly, because it gets softer and he will help. He doesn't approach just anyone and is happy to walk away when it comes to crowds. It is slowly getting better but much remains to be done. Thank you for the very nice words.
Comsi Comsa: I understand you because it was not even easy to write, and I am so glad you appreciated what I wrote. The feelings are outside sometimes and the happiness when he has a job after everything we have gone through is unbeatable for us. Hugs, lots of them.
Ama De Casa: He will read this and it is good for him and he will feel good in there. Living with this is incomprehensible and I still don't understand it. The good thing is that when there is a crisis, he trusts us and tells the truth, and then we can move on all the time. He doesn't lie or soul and those are two very good rocks to stand on. Have a nice weekend and warm hugs.
Britt-Marie Lundgren: Then I know what you have gone through and perhaps still do sometimes. But what they are going through I don't understand but it must be hell. Billie has always had the greatest respect for Helena and he has never raised his voice to her in 13 years. Absolutely incredible to have a new mum in his situation and grow together as they have. I must say CONGRATULATIONS for your week and what fun for you. Have a nice weekend.
Åsa in Åsele: Thank you Åsa it warms. There are many times you think about giving up, and we really needed the holiday in 2015 to come back to life. That I haven't lost all my hair yet is a mystery, haha. If you could still understand how another person feels in there, it would be a little easier. maybe in 100 years we have come further. I wish you a wonderful weekend. Many hugs.
13 January 2017 - 15:26
Peter Bergström says:
Thanks Gun: Of course we have been there all the time and that is the most important thing for children to feel secure. Billie has always trusted us but I still don't understand how he has functioned, and it annoys me a little. We talk on the phone almost every day and that is also a comfort. He has a way to go but things are brighter today. Have a nice weekend and I send you some hugs. Peter.
13 January 2017 - 15:32
Anette Åhnbrink says:
Had written a long comment that became too tearful, we may take a moment at the opportunity to ventilate our concerns with our children, the happy of the week is that today the Swedish men enter the handball world cup? And soon the biscuits will roll, so we can watch the match in the house! Have a good Friday cosy and nice weekend to you both/Anette
13 January 2017 - 15:59
Anette says:
You've been through so much.
As a parent, you only feel good when your children are well, so I understand that there has been a lot of concern.
Keeping my fingers crossed that the permanent service will now be hg ans.
13 January 2017 - 16:16
Across the board says:
How hard you have fought! It's wonderful that things have worked out, they wouldn't have done so without your hard work. So well done to all of you and especially to Billie herself - happy birthday and happy work!
13 January 2017 - 16:40
Peter Bergström says:
Anette Åhnbrink: I need to hear this and so do others, to get more life experience. I can understand if you don't want to talk third, because I asked Billie first and he has approved this. We'll do it later! Let's get out of the house and watch more films. We're actually going to watch a film tonight after we finish tomorrow's post, and that's a luxury. Have a nice weekend and many warm hugs.
Crisscross: Thank you and it's warm and it will make Billie happy. We have learnt that we are alive but Billie is struggling with this every day, and he has to do it to avoid becoming a recluse. Have a great weekend and take care of yourself. Many hugs from me.
13 January 2017 - 17:33
Peter Bergström says:
Anette: How nice that you write and it is really appreciated. I did not see you at first but now you are approved and I hope you write again. Thank you for your nice words and I am so happy that he works and wants to work, and just as you write, I am very happy right now. Hope you have a cosy weekend and I send hugs to you.
13 January 2017 - 18:32
BP says:
It's hard to believe that an incorrect judgement can have such terribly fatal consequences. Great praise to you and Helena for not giving up but fighting on. Equally great praise also to Billie who, after so many traumatic experiences, has finally found her "niche". I think that's very strong, because it must have been a struggle for him every day. Despite all the hardships, you can be proud of him. He can be proud of himself as well, I think, very much so!
Big, big advance congratulations to Billie!
13 January 2017 - 18:50
JoY says:
It's nice that you tell us about this struggle that led to something very good. Congratulations on your birthday.
Hugs
13 January 2017 - 22:02
Ruth in Virginia says:
I don't know what to write. The whole thing is unimaginable, almost,
for me that it can go so deeply wrong. But let me tell you, what
I get out of what you write.
Love can overcome many things. First, your love for your son;
then the love that Helen must have had for you to have the strength...
to stay with you. Not many women (who are not
are mothers) would have put up with everything you had to go through, and
still have to be very careful.
Wishing you and Billie good health and success, one step at a time.
Sympathy is sent across the Atlantic.
13 January 2017 - 23:30
Camilla says:
Comment on your comment on mine: yes, the desire to change is step one, and for many people that desire (and realisation) comes with age. I think it has progressed a lot also with treatment methods such as CBT. But it is important to end up with a therapist that you feel it works with as well. Nowadays there is also treatment online in many places, it is apparently coming more and more. Good luck, and big steps have already been taken too!
14 January 2017 - 8:03
Peter Bergström says:
BP: You are so right and what an uplifting letter you write. All his schooling and the social journey he would have needed to make, disappeared with a false accusation. He will have to struggle in his life and go the hard way and I hope that he can cope with his disability. We stand firmly behind him and what luck that I was on my own all these years when it was at its worst, because an employer would never have agreed to this. Thank you BP and have a nice weekend. Hugs.
Joy: Thank you! I bring up several things from my life because I think not many people dare to talk about things, but many people think. We should not be ashamed of things because life is what it is, and there are difficulties in life that need to be sorted out. We can help each other if we have a dialogue and I am here if anyone wants to talk. Have a good weekend and a couple of hugs wouldn't be out of place.
Ruth in Virginia: I feel the love across the Atlantic Ruth. We have a very strong relationship and Helena is just the right person. I sometimes wonder if she came into our life so that Billie would have a gentler journey. Now I am at the mercy of fate again but I have no other explanation. The love we have was built in a different way than what happened earlier in my life. It was not the one where I am so in love and she is so good looking, but who is she? It was more on future, respect, friend and love for life, but I guess it was because you are older and see life in a different way. We are never angry or upset and that has rubbed off on Robin and Billie, because joy and calm go a long way. Thank you for your kind words and I send many hugs, over the lake.
Camilla: Of course, personal chemistry and trust is the biggest part. Billie will surely one day want to do something for himself, or we will remind him of it. Helena had an anxiety period at the age of 25 and was hospitalised, became shy, didn't dare to fly and many more things. she dealt with it herself via the internet, because she didn't want to have barriers in her life and came out of it. We will use this on Billie over time and try it out, so you are so right. Many hugs and a great weekend.
14 January 2017 - 12:40
Anna, New York - My Bite of the Big Apple says:
Read about your struggle and feel so much for you. Imagine, you really go through hell and back for your children and life is certainly not fair.
How wonderful to hear that things are looking up now. Big and warm congratulations on Billie's birthday afterwards!
20 January 2017 - 18:42