Guest Writer: Marlene Rindå Jikita
This will be a very self-disclosing text, but it's because I think there are more people than us who do this. Travelling over the holidays, to avoid loneliness, is probably more common than you think.
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ShareI think it started when we had children. Before that, we spent a lot of time together and there was always someone who invited us to a joint celebration, wherever it was. Then the children came and a few years later we got divorced. The invitations stopped coming and when I invited myself, everyone was already booked up. Neighbours with whom I had celebrated New Year's Eve in the past toasted over the fence when they saw me and the children.
So I started travelling instead of sitting alone at home with the kids. The first New Year's trip was to Florida when the kids were around 5-6 years old. We had fun at Disney World during the holidays and watched fireworks over Key West on New Year's Eve. And so it has continued. The children and I have celebrated New Year in Thailand, Sri Lanka and Egypt.
Then a new man came into my life and we have celebrated the new year in the neighbourhood. Gambia, on Zanzibar, Cape Verde, Egypt a few more times and a lot of other countries. Egypt is often our choice when we want something simple, as it is reasonably warm even in winter.
The option of celebrating New Year at home has become increasingly unthinkable. It is too boring. And too lonely. That question "How do you celebrate New Year?" is simply too sensitive. Admitting that you are involuntarily alone is painful and can be a bit shameful too. You are excluded and feel ashamed of it. So we choose to go away and celebrate with people we have never met before. I know that many of them feel the same way as we do, because I have asked.
Especially during the holidays, many of us are lonely and actually suffer from it. We mostly talk about the elderly, but there are a lot of younger people as well. At this time of year, we should think more about those around us and reach out. Even I, who is usually considered happy and with a hundred balls in the air, can be quite lonely. A full diary is not synonymous with a large circle of friends. Dare to invite and dare to ask.
The New Year is approaching. The big question is not IF we go, but where we go. Well, it's Egypt again. It's easy, just seven hours by plane, fifteen minutes to the hotel, sunshine and 25 degrees centigrade. A pretty perfect New Year celebration if you ask me. What's a ball at the castle like...?
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Anna Nilsson Spets says:
Head on the nail. I am travelling alone despite my partner, we don't celebrate either Christmas or New Year. Some Christmases I go to my family in Sweden, alone. This year I am on a flight to Jordan at the end of the year. Alone. Everything is self-chosen and dealt with my partner.
20 December 2023 - 6:40
Marlene Rindå Jikta says:
Have a great trip and happy new year!
20 December 2023 - 8:18
Anonymous says:
I can't imagine travelling over Christmas, I want to celebrate my Christmas at home. With my family before, since I moved to Crete I usually celebrate alone. I simply create my own Christmas with food, lights, decorations, Christmas tree, etc. Christmas atmosphere in the cottage!
New Year's Eve, on the other hand, I can imagine celebrating anywhere and have celebrated in Rome in the 90s, but not a New Year's rocket in the entire city, which I would like to have.
20 December 2023 - 9:38
Marlene Rindå Jikta says:
At Christmas we are at home, but at other times we prefer to be away. It feels best that way.
Have a great New Year!
20 December 2023 - 18:17
Ditte says:
Interesting thoughts. which surely some people recognise themselves in. But not me. when it comes to leaving/going from. I have always travelled to.
I have been travelling since I was six months old, then with my parents, and travelling has continued throughout my life. I lived and worked in Asia for several years and was often on the move.
Right now we are spending Christmas in Tenerife with +25, glorious sunshine and staying in a delicious adult hotel. Relaxation de luxe.
Vietnam and Thailand (untouched places) are favourites but a long and expensive flight if you want to travel comfortably. But in the past we were here a lot both for work and holidays....
Wishing you a nice trip when the time comes.
20 December 2023 - 11:24
Marlene Rindå Jikta says:
Thank you!
Happy New Year!
20 December 2023 - 18:17
Jenni says:
I don't think most people would categorise this as loneliness. Of course you can be alone in a relationship too, but then a trip abroad is not usually the solution without divorce? Feels a bit like a slap in the face to those who sit alone-alone in an apartment or house somewhere and can't afford to fly somewhere where it's reasonably warm....
And if we're "reaching out" to the lonely, why don't you spend your flight money on Christmas food and invite them to your home?
20 December 2023 - 13:47
Marlene says:
But the travelling started when I was alone with the children. For ten years, it was just the kids and me, no one else. The new husband is as lonely as I am and now the children have moved out. Of course we have each other, but seeing others having fun in community with others hurts when you want to be part of it. We invite people to all the holidays we celebrate at home, so we have reached out a hand. What we wish others would do for us.
20 December 2023 - 15:18
Jenni says:
Firstly, I just want to say that you should feel proud that you were able to take your children on all these trips. As a single parent throughout my children's upbringing, I never had the financial means to take them on fancy trips at New Year, but we had to cook good food at home and fall asleep to the Countess and the servant.
And the spirit of your post is beautiful. Yes, we should reach out a hand to those around us who we see are alone.
But I follow your instagram, because I also have a motorhome, and it doesn't look like you are alone in what I, and probably many others, put in the definition. You celebrated Midsummer with friends both this year and last year, you organise large motorhome meetings (maybe the next one will be on Öland) and now you have been in a super nice place with friends this weekend.
Perhaps you confuse being alone with feeling a bit left out from time to time?
I think there is a lot you can do for those who are actually completely alone. Without a spouse, midsummer friends or caravan meetings. There are several groups on Facebook for those who are alone at Christmas and New Year. Go there and invite them!
I hope you have a merry Christmas with your family, and a nice trip to the warmth of the New Year. I'll probably fall asleep to the Countess and the valet again this year 🙂 .
20 December 2023 - 19:07
Marlene says:
There is a reason why we organise these motorhome meetings. It's to bring people together and a chance for us to meet new potential friends. The motorhome was a way to avoid being alone and many people in motorhomes think the same way.
If we didn't have our job or the motorhome, we would just sit at home and watch TV. We don't want that. So we try to do something about it.
You don't understand my feeling, it's ok, I'm entitled to it anyway.
21 December 2023 - 8:19
Jenni says:
Of course you are entitled to your feelings, but you must also realise that you live an extremely privileged life. You have a husband, family, friends and can afford to travel several times a year. Few people are privileged.
26 December 2023 - 21:51
Monica says:
I didn't understand this post at all after reading about all the travelling, parties and events with you. You write that Christmas will now be celebrated with your parents, father-in-law and all adult children. Maybe you don't need more than that. And before that, a spontaneous trip to the sun and a New Year's trip booked to the sun in another country far away.
And the children and you had a family and your parents as well before even if you were divorced? And opportunities to do great travelling as another choice.
It's funny that I know all the schools you have attended. And they are all considered very good. Both past and present. And it's amazing how you manage to keep up with all the Christmas parties and travelling. But that's your job too, if we've got it right.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! And nice to see the connection to another blogger, Gunnar, If we understood correctly, it is your parents who have the beautiful house there in the north as a holiday home and still so active in travelling there.
20 December 2023 - 16:39
Marlene says:
It's not Christmas that's the problem, it's New Year. Christmas is just fine, although I would like to avoid it too - but for other reasons.
What do you mean by a spontaneous trip to the sun? We haven't been travelling since spring. And that I went to good schools? I don't think the schools I went to are considered particularly nice, there were big problems with drugs in my secondary school.
And no, it is not my parents who have a nice house in the north, but my former in-laws. Gunnar's brother.
Having an active life is a way to avoid sitting alone at home. But it is confused with socialising. For us, it's work that helps us get away.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
20 December 2023 - 18:25
Monica says:
I thought I saw something about a trip to Cyprus but it could be another year that came up.
Yes, you have attended fine schools😊good, well-educated teachers and your upper secondary school is very popular and has such talented and committed principals and school management. Fine in a different sense than private schools, no one mentioned and no one forgotten in those with untrained teachers and who also lack language skills both in Swedish and in English and many other things such as few teacher-led lessons, grades completely to the wind etc. etc. But in your upper secondary school, the principal gave everything in commitment so it was incredible and very unusual.
You live a different life than most people where you live, so maybe they are unsure how to behave? Thinking that they are uninteresting.
And you have family and relatives. Not everyone's cup of tea.
Nice to see your nice recipes and nice photos taken. Only seen your name in some context but now from this blog I have read some.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas again and a Happy New Year.
PS, your Christmas table tests look very nice and nice. And how lucky to be able to do them without storms and thunderstorms. Absolutely fantastic with everything.
21 December 2023 - 1:42
Anna Nilsson Spets says:
But please, what do schools and family houses have to do with her post ? And you have checked it out on Facebook? Here we write and read about travelling and everything that goes with it. PS. I have gone to a rural school and have no secondary education so you don't need to check my feud DS
22 December 2023 - 7:19
Anonymous says:
Firstly, I can't understand Monica's post about Marlene's schooling, what does that have to do with loneliness, something I don't understand here? To me it sounds like jealousy.
On the subject of loneliness, I saw an interview with Marlene in 2014 when she was interviewed by Marlou in the programme "after ten" regarding Marlene feeling lonely.
That was 9 years ago and nothing seems to have changed. It is sad. I follow Marlene on social media and have also met her on a few occasions, including Elmia.
What I see is a happy person who doesn't find it difficult to make new acquaintances, I think the problem is that it is difficult to maintain and build on the acquaintance so it stays as a friend.
When the job completely takes over, when you completely identify with your job, it's hard for new friends to read if you're just important as a new follower or whatever.
When your job and competence is to be social, as it is in Marlene's case, you may find it difficult to be social on a more private level, you never let go of the job role or the job. Then you can probably be perceived as very superficial.
I hope you have a private, private FB page Marlene where friends can follow you on a more private level, where not everything is about your job, if you do not have it, I think you should get it and just invite those who you want to know a little more about private Marlene. Who knows, I might get invited 😉.
Because you must dare to open up and be more private, confidential and above all interested and responsive when building a new friendship, put blogging, filming, FB posts and work aside while you build new relationships. Everyone wants to be seen, not just you, believe me, you have a lot to gain from it.
Finally, there is no need to pay for an expensive trip abroad every year. It costs a lot of money. Next year I think you should check if there is a New Year's package with accommodation in your neighbourhood. The chance to meet new friends who also live reasonably close is very large.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !!!
21 December 2023 - 14:07
Marlene says:
Thank you for your comment. I have a pretty private Facebook, but people I meet and like. I think I do see people, I am a curious person and like to listen to other stories and experiences. It is what it is, probably for more people than me.
Merry Christmas!
21 December 2023 - 18:17
Monica says:
Yes anonymous, there are misunderstandings back and forth. I saw on fb that Marlene went to three schools that we know very well and are/were great so then thought that friends from there should be there. But maybe moved.
Haha, I'm not jealous, I don't know what the disease is, it doesn't run in our family and I've gone to great schools in a university town.
And now I wonder why you think Marlene should not travel if she wants to. And book in the local area? You mean where she lives? Can't think of anything more boring, more fun to be at home then.
Merry Christmas to you too.
21 December 2023 - 18:51
Ditte says:
Hello again!
I perhaps read your post carelessly but got stuck there for the focus on loneliness and then travelling from.
But I have realised that there is so much more at stake in this context.
And of course you have every right in the world to your feelings of loneliness. Just wanted to clarify.
I follow "Freedom Travel" but not you and I certainly didn't mean to ignore your feeling of loneliness. But I put it in the context of travelling. And maybe I have been lucky but I have always travelled to something and never from.
21 December 2023 - 16:32
Monica says:
And anonymous again, you give "advice" or whatever it should be called that Marlene should basically give up work, life and everything that is fun and provides stimulation besides income. Almost annihilate herself to fit in. I happen to know that there is a special culture and behaviour where she lives. Yes, in more suburbs just south of the city. Quite special. It's more open and relaxed in the city. Then there are all kinds, of course, but you have to find the right ones.
And I read the post and was surprised because I thought that she is a very active person with many contacts and that it is fast and furious. But we know so little about how others are doing. Even you.
21 December 2023 - 19:05
Lena - good for the soul says:
Great post! Nice that you share. Like you, I believe that you are not alone in the feeling of loneliness.
Then I have to give you credit for how nicely you handled all the boring questioning/insulting (or whatever word I should use) comments you received.
Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and New Year holidays!
PS. maybe our paths will cross at some point. We are new motorhome owners 😉.
22 December 2023 - 12:50
Marlene says:
Thank you!
Come to our motorhome meeting this spring! It is there to meet some new people 🙂 .
25 December 2023 - 10:42
Lena - good for the soul says:
I will check it out as soon as I have time. Happy to come if it works!
Hug Lena
02 January 2024 - 13:46